What You Have to Do Before Manifesting the "Perfect Partner"

Someone on Quora asked me how they might use the Law of Attraction or other methods to attract their perfect partner.

The answer is multi-leveled. First of all, I believe that God has a plan for your life, and that includes when you will meet your life partner. I could tell you how to write a "soulmate list" to conjure him/her up, but I'm not convinced anymore that's the best way to go. 

In my opinion, the best way is to let God know that you would like to share your life with that special someone. You can also ask him when that person will arrive, but more likely than not, he will let you know that things will develop in "divine time." Having faith and being patient goes a long way here.

One super-important part, though, that no one talks about is the prep work you should do, and that means working on yourself. People say, “I want the perfect partner,” but there’s no such thing.

There’s only the perfect partner for you. But you know that, right? Usually, when you say, “perfect partner,” you mean someone who is your ideal of a person you'd like to spend your life with.

But ARE YOU the type of person someone else would want to spend their life with?

I know it’s a hard question to ask, but it's a fact that many people have an amazing lack of self-awareness. We all want a partner who is kind, supportive, loving, loyal, and nonjudgmental, someone who has our best interests and happiness at heart, ideally even more than their own. We want someone who treats us like a prince/princess and will stick with us through thick and thin.

But have you ever asked yourself if you are that kind of person?

A relationship is a two-way street, and you should be prepared to reciprocate. Unfortunately, many people are incapable of giving what they so desperately want to get.

Maybe you grew up with a distant father, and now you have daddy issues. Maybe your mother was stern and controlling, and you inherited some of her traits. Maybe you’re so afraid of being abandoned that you tend to push people away so you won’t get hurt. Etc., etc.

Just know that if you have dysfunctional patterns like that, you will only ever attract partners whose own dysfunctional patterns match or complement yours.

That’s the reason why abused women tend to attract abusive men… or why women with cold, aloof fathers tend to fall for men with commitment problems.

If you've tried all your life to get the approval of a very critical or indifferent parent—often the opposite-sex one; that means your father if you're a woman and your mother if you're a man—you're likely to marry someone whose personality resembles that parent's.

I know, scary but true. So to avoid falling into this kind of trap, you need to do a lot of soul searching, maybe even counseling. 

The other thing is the sense of entitlement that we bring into our relationships. Many people make mental checklists to see how much their spouse is doing for them, vs. how much they are doing for their spouse. They ask, “What am I getting out of this?” instead of "What can I contribute?" 

They get impatient and annoyed when after the honeymoon period, they find out that their partner has character flaws like everyone else.

​And worst, they demand that their partner fill the God-shaped hole they've been carrying around their entire life, the same emptiness they've been trying to fill with consumerism, fleeting pleasures and thrills, eating, sexual affairs, or alcohol/drugs. If that's your problem, you should turn to God before you even think of entering a relationship.

In other words, before you can attract your “perfect partner,” you must become a better partner.

That requires a lot of soul-searching, brutal honesty, and the ability to face your own Shadow. I recommend counseling because it’s much easier to figure all this out with the help of a professional.
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Honestly, I think if everyone would do this before launching into a relationship, there would be a lot fewer divorces and breakups. Plus, the world in general would be a better place, because striving to be a better partner comes in handy for all kinds of human relationships, not just romantic ones.