What You Have to Do Before Manifesting the "Perfect Partner"

Someone on Quora asked me how they might use the Law of Attraction or other methods to attract their "twin flame."

The answer is multi-leveled. Let me start with the simplest answer: I found that writing a “soulmate list” works pretty well. That means you create a manifestation list specifically geared towards finding a partner.

I recommend making it as long and detailed as possible. I wouldn’t list too many details about outer appearance, though. My “type” used to be tall, dark-haired, and dark-eyed, but I ended up marrying a blond and blue-eyed man. So don’t limit your opportunities to find the right person by being too finicky about looks.

Other than that, though, you should be relatively precise. Then read your list over and over (and make additions or changes) for 21 days. Then put it away in a drawer and forget about it. This is necessary to let go of the wish, release its energy into the universe, and give Spirit a chance to work on it.

One super-important part, though, that no one talks about is the prep work you should do, and that means working on yourself. People tend to say, “I want the perfect partner,” but there’s no such thing.

There’s only the perfect partner for you, at any given time in your life.

The person who would be your perfect partner when you’re 20 might not be your perfect partner when you’re 50.

And usually, when we say, “perfect partner,” we mean someone who is our ideal of a person we’d like to spend our life with.

But ARE YOU the type of person someone else would want to spend their life with?

I know it’s hard to ask yourself this, and most people practice an astonishing level of self-delusion, but it needs to be said. Most people want a partner who is kind and supportive, loving and nonjudgmental, who has their SO’s best interests and happiness at heart, even more than their own. They want someone who treats them like a prince/princess and will stick with them through thick and thin.

But very few ask themselves: “Am I the kind of person that would/could do all these things?”

A relationship is a two-way street, and you should be prepared to give what you want to get from your significant other.

Unfortunately, many of us are somewhat dysfunctional. Maybe you grew up with a distant father and now you have daddy issues. Maybe your mother was stern and demanding, and you inherited some of her traits. Maybe you’re so afraid of being abandoned that you tend to push people away so you won’t get hurt. Etc., etc.

Just know that if you have dysfunctional patterns, you will only ever attract partners with matching or complementary dysfunctional patterns.

That’s the reason why abused women tend to get together with abusive men… or why women with cold, aloof fathers tend to fall for men with commitment problems.

We want someone who’s loving and altruistic, but we keep asking ourselves in every relationship, “What am I getting out of this?” instead of "What can I contribute?" 

We make mental lists of how much we have done for the other person versus how much they have done for us.

We get impatient and annoyed when after the honeymoon period, we find out that our partner has character flaws like everyone else.

​We don’t want our partner to expect too much from us because it makes us feel suffocated… but on the other hand, we want them to provide all the emotional satisfaction we’ve been lacking.

In other words, before you can attract your “perfect partner,” you must become a better partner.

That requires a lot of soul-searching, brutal honesty, and the ability to face your own Shadow. I recommend counseling because it’s much easier to figure all this out with the help of a professional.
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Honestly, I think if everyone would do this before launching into a relationship, there would be a lot fewer divorces and breakups. Plus, the world in general would be a better place, because striving to be a better partner comes in handy for all kinds of human relationships, not just romantic ones.